Our Hopes, Our Dreams, Our Fears

Recalling my many years with one man in marriage of 27 years I think how fortunate I am in having this peace with-in. Sometimes in ones life the experiences we go through make us who we are. My father always said," life is what you make it to be.... Good follows bad and bad follows good!" When growing up, even with the many lonely times I experienced, I could not hear those words...Of much wisdom. As a child, even in our teenage years we all think our parents are just talking to be talking. With their experiences of the their past come that wisdom. In some way or another, we all go through similar hurts, fears, and pain; may that be physical or in our hearts. When the , "Good" comes our way, we need to learn from that, as when the "Bad" comes, we need to learn from that. So, with the respect to my dad, and his wisdom of these most powerful words, I am able to go on in this life; as this is our only time to experience what is before us. I am blessed with what I have and with each and every day. It is with Our Hopes., Our Dreams, and Our Fears that make us all, who we are and that life does really go on.....

The 4th of July

With the 4th nearing brings me to that day of Independence. We all love the idea that with Summer here there is that celebration on the day, for all. I can already see the hoopla on T.V., in the supermarkets, just everywhere. The day arrives with great pleasure for most. I still celebrate, but with someone in my life that is no longer here...my dad. My father was a gentle and kind man, to all. If you were lucky to have met him, you would want to see him again. He knew no strangers, as he was always willing to share a conversation with you. He laughed a lot and made others do the same. He loved to get together with the family. He seemed to be the glue for my mom, my brother and I. He was a man of wisdom, not education. A man with strong commitments to his family and friends. He spent 29 years in the U.S. Army, with great loyalty and love for his Country. A better mam, my mother would always say, you could not get. I have found myself wanting to be the "Glue" for our family...if for nothing else, for my dad., as that would make him proud to know we are trying to be a family. My dad passed away almost 23 years ago.....that day is the 4th of July! So, with that in the nearing, you can see why this date comes to mind so clearly for me. Knowing my dad, he would have picked that day for leaving us, as he was so very proud of our Country and Independence Day. May you all have a great day on the 4th.....

Anniversary Greeting's!

When I think of a wedding, I think of Tom & Terry's. From the first of the many conversations Terry and I had about meeting Tom, I thought to myself; this is a catch for her. We had many long and loving talks with the things they did together and how truly my friend felt about her, "Tom!" The Adarandock Chairs come to mind. She was so surprised to get those. Not only one for her, but one for Tom...now there's a sure catch on his part; if I've ever heard of one. As Terry ofter says, " I'm fit to be tied!"......Boy, now that's a statement so very true!! She was, Smitten, as one would say! When the time came for the wedding plans, she only told a few and I was one of them. I'm not too keen on flying, so in order to get me there for the Surprise Wedding for all, I was told, and I had to keep it Top Secret! If my memory if correct, that was almost 6 months of planning and I was to hold the secret from,"ALL!" Tom wasn't sure of that idea, but I held at bay. The wedding went as planned and it was the most fun. So, here is, another year with each other and I wish you many, many more. As this is a true marriage with so much love. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO TERRY & TOM! .....lOVE YOU BOTH

Graduation for Paul

With this graduation time for so many young and old, I'm reminded of our son, Paul and his great High School days at Monte Vista Christian School, in Watsonville, Ca. I know with Paul being a late sleeper, he was willing to get up and ready for the long ride in the bus and meet with his freinds there at the school. He felt better being in a private school, away from the hassles involved at public school. We only feared the bus ride and traffic for his safety, and was at peace that he was in good hands at M.V. He made the basket ball team and loved every minute of it. We were so proud of him. He made many friends and to this day still keeps in touch with them. With 5 years behind him at M.V. his graduation was near. He was picked to be on the Homecoming Court and boy did that make his dad and I proud. There he was, looking very handsome in his tux. The students picked, were given a convertable and the back seat for all to see, while they drove around the track....beaming! There we were, Bill and I in different spots taking pictures of the students and of course our Paul. Each student had put together a short paragraph of their future hopes and dreams. When it was Paul's turn he stated that he would eventually want to be happy, get married, have kids and take care of his parents. I could hear sighs from some around me, to that last statement he read. When all was done and Paul getting ready for the evening with friends, I stopped him at the door before he left and said," what did you mean, that you were going to take care of your parents", do you mean financialy or put us in an old folks home"? He said, " oh mom, you guys are 90% alright"! Wow, that was good enough for me to hear, as we must have done a good job up to that point...parenting, that is. Needless to say, Paul was not chosen for King...but in my eyes, he will always be My King!

In the Eyes of a Daughter

With the war in Iraq and Father's Day just passing I think of my father...my dear and loving dad. My father passed away in 1984 just shy of his 63rd birthday. With his passing, I felt the urge to read all that my dad did for this Country and for my family. He had a breif case full of many things that had happened while in the Army. So, I decided to start a letter to the President. At that time, President Reagon was in office. My father was an exceptional soldier in the U.S. Army. Served 29 years and in five wars. One in particular was in Korea, 1951. On this date my father's company was enrooted to the Chosin Resevoir in convoy when the column was subjected to intense automatic weapons and the small arms fire from a large enemy force, well -entrenched at a strong road block. When the enemy pinned the troops down, my father realizing the seriousness of the sittuation, voluntarily assumed the road block. His forceful act of aggressive leadership drove the enemy from their postitions with heavy casualties and enabled the column to advance. The officer in charge just froze and my father did what he thought was needed; as it turned out to be. To these findings there is no record on my father receiving or being considered for his bravery of saving the few soldier's left in the convoy. I was appalled to see no Medal of Honor for what my father did for the troops; therefore I decided to write to President Reagon. Unfortuallty with the emotions of just losing my dad, I stopped and that was almost 22 years ago. Now with my mother in her 80's and the reminder of this war, brings me to write a letter and that is what I have done. I feel my mother, brother, Paul and I deserve this award for my dad. With the help of Bill and all the information we have, as far a records and news clippings, we now have a case number and because of the many applications on hand and the comlexity of many cases, it may take as long a twelve months before we receive notification of the decision of our application. I am alright with that, as I am hoping the decision will be the right one, as we all deserve this for our father and my mother's husband. My dad was a proud man and a loyal soldier to and for his Country. He had seen much death in all the wars and I am so very proud of him and miss him dearly. May this war in Iraq end soon.......

Father's Day

I'm married to a wonderful man. My Bill is, warm, giving and a sensitive man with lots of love that he gives to both Paul and I. I think he just turned out to be a wonderful and compasionate person to all he associates with. Even thought Bill didn't have a father around for most of his life, he had a great and loving family.....which consists of his mother, Annie, Grandmother Hester,( we all called her Granny) a Grandfather, to whom he had always thought to be like a dad that he didn't know or see. Lots of Aunts, Uncles and cousins around. So, one can see the love he was provided and, as they all considered him their own. Bill is open to all that comes his way. He thinks long and hard to what needs to be done with any situation. When my father died in 1984, he was the one that came to the rescue, helping us through all that needed to be done. Getting the casket, writing the obituary, as that was not something any of my family could do at the time. Through the death of his Grandfather( his strength), his mother, ( his love), his grandmother( her warmth), and his many Aunts and Uncles that he has lost, he has become the man that he is today. Having our son, Paul has given him a different perspective of being a father and in some ways I think not having his own dad around, and what it has been like ,to go through all, has driven him to want it more for Paul, than for himself. Bill's dad is still living, in fact in Andrews N.C., where Bill and his mom had met. We were able to meet him and visit with his 5th wife, (which origianlly was his 1st).......that's another story in its self. So, Austin is now in Bill's life and Paul's. I have to admit that Paul was very angry with the way Bill was treated all these years ,( without a father image) and really did NOT want to meet Austin. When we made a trip back to N.C. a few years back, Bill mentioned that he wanted Paul to meet Austin.....that was something that Paul DID NOT want in his life! He was always so very angry with this. When Bill explained he wanted him to do it for him, he agreed, as I think Paul will do anything for his dad! Actually there is a story I would like to share, as it brought all of us to the recent connection with both Austin and his wife, Gladys. When Bill's Grandmother passed away , which has now been over 6 years, Bill needed to fly back to N.C. and deal with the estate. Bill's mom and Grandmother lived together for some 50 yrs., as Annie never remarried. ( I have always thought Annie was still in love with Austin). Bill's Uncle David lived across the street from Annie and Granny's house. There was a local Flea Market called, "Hillbilly Flea Market," down in town. David had asked Bill if he wanted to see the place. So, off they went. On occasions there was a local band that played there to provide intertainment for the locals. David and Bill walked in and there was Austin listening to the music. In Austin's youth and even now in his 80's, he has a band and loves to sing. David and Bill went up to him and there they stood. David introduced Bill to Austin as, this is Billy Ensley. Austin shook his hand and went on his way listening to the band. Within a few minutes, Austin said," well with the name Ensley, we must be related, who's you daddy?" Bill put his hand on his shoulder and said," You Are!" My heart went out to Bill when he called that evening to tell me what had happened. With tears streaming from my eyes, I just couldn't beleive what I had heard. Bill claimed that he thought it was all too funny. As Bill has always said to me that he really can't be angry at someone he had never known as a friend, let alone a dad. After that, Gladys come into the picture and she really wanted us to visit them in their home. Also, for Bill and Austin to get to know each other. So, we now have had that chance to visit with them and talk on the phone. It didn't surprise me when Bill mentioned sending some pictures and a card to Austin, for Father's Day. We grilled yesterday and as the coals were getting hot, Bill called his father to wish him a good day. As, you can see, Bill has gone through what he has and turned out to be that man he is......in spite of not having his own father around. Thanks for listening, as it brings both tears and joy for me to write.

Grocery shopping

Deciding to go grocery shopping is a chore.... for most of us. What do I need? Should I buy groceries for the week? Or do I do like most, and go on a daily visit? Once there, cart or basket?Depending on ones needs and wants for the meal is a question that enters all of our minds when we shop for groceries. I decided one afternoon to visit our local Grocery Store. I decided on a cart, as you know if you get that you can buy on the impulse....nice and big, to just throw whatever your heart desires. I went on my way through the store putting the items I needed and them some, in my cart. I heard a small child crying and crying throughout the store and thought to my self,"that little one needs something to eat or a nap." The parent was yelling at her child, about what I didn't need to know. This went on for sometime. The yelling..the crying. I continue my shopping....seemed like slow motion, with the constant crying of this little person and her parent yelling. It also crossed my mind, that this parent needed child rearing classes. Boy, did I want to tell her that!! I stopped at the meat dept., you know how you leave your cart for just one second to view the meats and then on my way I went. More minutes into this shopping event and I heard this woman yelling," someone stole my shopping cart!" She kept yelling, "someone stole my shopping cart." I thought, oh brother, here she is worried about the cart and her little one is hungry or tired. I got in line and put my groceries on the belt...within seconds, after all my items were on, I realized these were not my groceries.....I was the one that stole HER cart...opps! Being next in line to pay, I needed to get out of line and put all the groceries back in to HER cart and went back to retrieve MY cart. There it was, with the beginnings of my groceries and I just quietly left HER cart there. I could still hear her yelling," someone stole my cart! " It's not like the store had just one of what she had, but her hands had put those in HER basket and she HER CART!! I was glad not to see her when I left HER basket where I stole HERS! I find things like this to be funny, whereas some may not, not her little one crying, but that I was the one with HER cart! It was an honest mistake on my part and gee it's not like I took her child!

Well, here I am attempting to try blogging. This took far too long for me to set-up my account...it is the simpilist things that draw tears and frustration for me. Thanks goodness I am an Aries, as my horns and stubborness rose to the occasion. I went at it with fury and here I am...a I get any responses? Did this come to mind for you when you dove into this new beginning? I have enjoyed reading all from Terry, Lori, Erin, and Megan, so I ventured out to see if this is worth the effort...I shouldn't say, effort, but with putting all this together, it seems to be. For you who know me, I can talk a lot. To Erin and Megan, you can thank you mom for this. Same to Lori , for your sister's assurance that this will be fun. So, here I am whether you are ready of not.